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Coming Out
Supporting A Journey
Anchor 1
What Does "Coming Out" Mean?
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Coming out describes the process of an individual coming to understand their gender identity, sexual preference and/or romantic preference differs from social expectations.
There can be many stages of coming out.
Coming out to self
This stage refers to the initial understanding that one's feelings may differ from those around them. This can come in the form of developing crushes on the same sex or noticing that the pronouns people use for them, make them uncomfortable. This is a big time for internal reflection.
Coming out to close social network
This stage refers to the small group of people one shares their feelings and self reflection with. This can be shared with a best friend, parent, grandparent, teacher, peer, Youth Centre leader or any person they feel safe sharing this information with. Typically this is a small group that one feels their most comfortable and at peace with.
Coming out to extended social network
This stage refers to the larger social network that one shares their feelings and identity with. This means branching out from one's smaller social network to include a select group of others.
Coming out to everyone
This stage refers to being publicly out, in most spaces a person navigates. This can be shown in wearing gender affirming clothing or in physically telling others their identity when asked.
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Before You Come Out
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Safety Always Comes First
Always consider your safety before you come out.
Ask yourself these three questions:
1. Am I in a safe location?
2. Am I with a safe person?
3. Am I in a safe mental space for this conversation?
Make a Plan
It's okay to test the waters before having the direct conversation. If you have a person in mind who you would like to come out to but don't know their stance on the 2SLGBTQIA+ Community, bring up 2SLGBTQIA+ topics or individuals in the media, to them. This will allow for you to see how they discuss their views and to distinguish if they are an ally.
If you have already come out to someone, ask if they can join you in your coming out conversation. This works well if both the person you are coming out to, and the person you ask to join you, know each other (ex. mutual friends, family members).
It's important to plan out your next steps. If the conversation does not go well, what is to come of your relationship? Will their reaction impact your everyday life?
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During The Conversation
Create a distraction free zone
It is important to be present in the moment. If you find the person you are talking to is not creating this space, remind them that this is an important conversation to you and that you would like their undivided attention.
Share your feelings and story
This can be scary but it allows for the other person to catch a glimpse of what you are going through. This can include both positive and negative emotions. An example of this can sound like,
"I am so excited that you had time today to chat with me. I am feeling a bit nervous about this conversation".
This space allows for you to share what your journey has been like. This allows for the other person to have a deeper understanding of your perspective.
Set the tone
Come into the conversation with a calm and open energy. Set boundaries as needed. This can include asking not to be interrupted and/or that the conversation remain between the two of you.
Engage in conversation
If you are in the right mental space to converse, listen to what the other person has to say. You may need to debunk some myths or guide them to additional resources.
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How Do I Support Someone Who has Come Out?
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Give them the space to share their feelings and story with you.
Being aware of how they are feeling and the journey they've had, can allow for you to better determine the support they need from you. Has their journey been difficult? Do they need mental health support? Hearing their story can guide you in the right direction.
Educate Yourself
Learn about issues impacting the 2SLGBTQIA+ Community. What is the local history and social climate like for 2SLGBTQIA+ Individuals? What organizations support 2SLGBTQIA+ Youth?
Advocate
If you hear or see anti-2SLGBTQIA+ materials, say something. Be loud about being an ally and advocate for safe spaces in every group and community you navigate. This allows for 2SLGBTQIA+ Individuals to know you are a safe person.
Understand Your Positionality
Take a look at where you are located and what your activism represents. Are you creating a space for 2SLGBTQIA+ Individuals to voice their opinions?
As your involvement increases within the 2SLGBTQIA+ Community, be mindful of how loud your impact is. Are you talking over your 2SLGBTQIA+ counterparts on issues that impact them?
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Additional Resources
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